My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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