She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
