That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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