There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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