Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Green mimosas i think yes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can I color on your dick again?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
