worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to be your penis for a week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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