he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize