I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
