i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
