Swine flu. Run for my life!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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