soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
