I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
