I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
