I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I party with great urgency now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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