I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
