I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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