Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
