So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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