I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
