Me. At least after what I've been through.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
