Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
