Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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