i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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