He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So many bounce houses so little time
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
