i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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