Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
