Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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