Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
