you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Farmville is her only friend.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
