ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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