My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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