me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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