I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
