youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
