guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
