Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
