I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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