either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
