I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
