when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
