It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
