No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize