dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
