And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
