Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Two words: nipple clamps
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