i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
