I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
