I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
