Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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