Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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