Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
