I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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