she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
