when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize