It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
