We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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