If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize