My nipple is on Facebook.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
