I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
