my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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