Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
