MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
