haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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