Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
