She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
