do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i barfeds in our rink
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
