Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize