So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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