and you said cock pushups were impossible
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
