I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
