drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Text me some of your sweat
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