I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
