Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You dont lie about slip and slides
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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